you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
