My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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