WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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