My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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