Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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