You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
