I wanna bring you to show and tell
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize