I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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