Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
