I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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