Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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