I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
