Can Purell be used as lube?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
