I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
