barbara walters just said penis...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
