First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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