Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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