ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
