Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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