You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize