I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
