If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
then he tried to convert me to islam
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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