she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
