please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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