dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
