Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
