and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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