so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
