is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
