Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
