never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize