Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Found the puke drawer
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize