she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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