margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
