The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
