There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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