Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
