He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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