I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
