you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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