U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
