im about as happy as oj after his trial
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
