It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
