so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
