u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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