my sisters under your porch take her home
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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