i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize