I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
