People in love make me want to vomit
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
