so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
