sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
