my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize