Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
