maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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