Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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