he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
