I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
