Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
