The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
