when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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