my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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