would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
