man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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