i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
