dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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