I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
