K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
