Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Randomize
