Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
