It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
