This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
