o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
