it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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