the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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