I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Randomize
