I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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