My friends, they love my intelligence
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
