Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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