Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just invented taco cereal.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
